Your Sympathy

I picked up my guitar and wandered out to the balcony. Everyone else was asleep; however, I had slowly traded the day for the night. The stars were comforting because they had nothing left to do but shine. They would listen when no other would.

I strummed aimlessly, trying to find a song inside of me that matched how I felt in that moment. What did I feel? Hopeless. Estranged. Careless. Alone.

It was strange, the way he silently sympathized from across the room - how we could lock gazes and instantly know what the other was thinking. It was frightening sometimes, because usually he was the last person I wanted inside my head. It was a bizarre camaraderie, neither of us getting what we wanted.

A song came, then.

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I continued to sing, but with every phrase I carried out, the tears threatened to take my voice away. I had become so lost in the words that I hadn’t heard him open the sliding door. I didn’t recover until I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” He really looked at me then, noticing the wetness on my face. His brow furrowed with concern, and I turned away.

“I think you know.” That was all I could manage at this point. My hands were shaking and I felt him move closer and closer.

“Will you finish your song?” He smiled at me, in the way he knew struck me at my very core. I gripped my guitar and kept playing.

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

I let the last chord speak for itself. I turned to look at him and suddenly his lips were on mine and the whole world had been turned upside down. I felt the blood rush through my veins, my entire body now shaking with adrenaline. Our lips parted, but we lingered a little longer than we should have.

“Why did you…” That was the only question I had left.

He looked at me, smiling, but his face was tainted with sadness. “I just wanted to know what it felt like.” He stood up without another word and went back inside.

This was the end.